1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,837 ? It seems today that all you see ? 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,174 ? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ? 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,761 ? But where are those good old-fashioned values ? 4 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,847 ? On which we used to rely? ? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,434 ? Lucky there's a family guy ? 6 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,604 ? Lucky there's a man who positively can do ? 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,064 ? All the things that make us ? 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,024 ? Laugh and cry ? 9 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:30,322 ? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ? 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,825 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,245 New shirt, Cleveland? 12 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,789 Donna saw an unflattering picture of me on Facebook 13 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,250 and only lets me wear black now. 14 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,793 Is the picture that bad? 15 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,461 It was the worst thing 16 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,172 I would ever want to see myself be. 17 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:51,092 Problem with these dark shirts is the dandruff shows. 18 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,760 But when I wear light colors... 19 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,012 The dandruff doesn't show, but you look bigger in the shirt. Yeah, 20 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,598 - it's called "Guillermo's Paradox." - What's that now? 21 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,059 Guillermo del Toro theorized that a fat man's shirt 22 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,812 cannot simultaneously appear slimming and clean. 23 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,940 Mm. That boy does look like he be gettin' dry. 24 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,859 - All right, Peter, what's going on? - Well, truth be told, 25 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,653 Meg wants me to give her a bunch of money 26 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,822 so she can go to college, and I guess... 27 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,241 I guess I'd rather spend that money on alcohol. 28 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,743 Listen, I helped my daughter through college 29 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,829 and it was the best thing I ever did. 30 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,164 Well, it was just kind of us talking, but how so? 31 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,251 Right after she graduated, she got a real good job 32 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,003 and bought me a new car. 33 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,297 Says she's gonna buy me a house one day, 34 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,091 so I can sell this place and retire. 35 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,344 Man, imagine how great it would feel to be retired? 36 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,346 I knew a retired kid in high school. 37 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,931 All he ate was Tater Tots. 38 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,684 He smooshed a turtle like a ice cream sandwich. 39 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,061 - He was severely retired. - Okay, Peter. 40 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,772 Guys, I've got to help Meg get into a good college. 41 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,609 Then I can have the golden years I've always dreamed of. 42 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,028 I sure am gonna miss you, baby. 43 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,157 New wife that's just one giant freckle? 44 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,038 Come on, Florida, cancer, let's go! 45 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,542 What's going on? You okay? 46 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,086 This-this squirrel, man... 47 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,840 Yeah, come down here and do it, huh? 48 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,091 Come down here! 49 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,593 Well, you're getting old, Bri. 50 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,844 Might be time to pack it up 51 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,471 and get out of the squirrel gettin' game. 52 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,765 No way, man. That little bastard comes down here... 53 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,141 Hey. 54 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,270 Get him, boy. 55 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,452 You've got to get in shape, man. 56 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,079 You know, you should meet my trainer. 57 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,413 I think you'd really like him. 58 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,665 - You have a trainer? - Yes. 59 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,875 You think it's easy looking zero for 20 years? 60 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,794 All right, fine, I'll give it a shot. 61 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,004 Right now I feel more useless than a chiropractor 62 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,714 in an emergency. 63 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,133 Excuse me, is anyone here a doctor? 64 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,510 I have a heating pad in my office. 65 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,178 What seems to be the problem? 66 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,560 All right, Meg, now if we're gonna get you 67 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,104 into a good school, we're gonna have 68 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,480 to fudge your application a bit. 69 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,065 Okay, how do we do that? 70 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,566 I don't know, I ate the fudge. 71 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,776 But the good news is 72 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,653 I got a letter of recommendation for you. 73 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,738 It's from Big Bird and I wrote it. 74 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,782 - "When I first met..." - Read it as Big Bird, please. 75 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,784 "When I first met Peter, 76 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,704 I was impressed at how tall and handsome he is." 77 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,123 That's coming from Big Bird? 78 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,874 Think of all the celebrities he's met. 79 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,544 Ryan Reynolds was on Sesame Street Sesame Street. 80 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,380 - Wow. - "Also, have you ever noticed 81 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,799 "that Grover and Super Grover are never 82 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,260 in the same room at the same time?" 83 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:42,346 As I said, Lois, not two days ago. 84 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,435 Principal Shepherd, what's it gonna take 85 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,019 to get Meg into a college? 86 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,688 If Meg has any chance at all, 87 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,815 she's going to need a little "extra help." 88 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,817 We'll do anything. Whatever it takes. 89 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,947 Good. Now you do understand how this works? 90 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,407 We understand. 91 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,410 I guess I'll, uh, I'll meet you in the car. 92 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,495 He didn't mean you have to sleep with him. 93 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,081 There are a few options. 94 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,883 Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, every college 95 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:21,635 has spots set aside for athletic recruits. 96 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,721 We can make Meg look like a star athlete. 97 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,139 With the click of a button, 98 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,808 we can make Meg look like she played varsity lacrosse, 99 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,852 won the Quahog Marathon, or had her head 100 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,188 roll down a temple in Apocalypto. 101 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,608 Lois, this is amazing! 102 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,193 Meg's gonna look more successful 103 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,528 than a businessman in a hard hat. 104 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,448 Hey! I came down here from the office to point at the plans, 105 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,367 then at the building! Plans! Building! 106 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,952 Building! Plans! 107 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,704 Yes, sir. Right away, sir! 108 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:54,210 I come down to the site once in a while. 109 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,175 Hi, uh, you must be Stewie's trainer. 110 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,887 Wh... How did you...? I thought I was gonna meet your trainer? 111 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,931 You're looking at him, Bri. Look at my body. 112 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,933 I'm jacked. You want to get jacked? 113 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,935 - Uh... - Yeah, you want to get jacked. 114 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,770 That's what having a trainer is. 115 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,230 Just a couple of guys getting jacked. 116 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,232 - Sometimes twice a day. - Okay, you know what...? 117 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,984 All right, before we start in, a little business to go over. 118 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,195 I was just messing around about the jacked stuff, by the way. 119 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,781 Uh, did you want to sign up for the full three years? 120 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,033 Three years? Don't you just do it by the session? 121 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,369 Yeah, no, we can do, uh, sesh to sesh. 122 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,454 Not committed. 123 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,414 Did you want to do the supplement plan? 124 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,791 Uh. uh, no. No, thanks. 125 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,668 Going through the motions. 126 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,379 All right, so what do you got going on for New Years? 127 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,756 - What? - 80% of being a trainer is 128 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,299 asking clients what they're doing for New Years. 129 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,635 And then not seeming interested when you tell me. 130 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,762 I don't know, I might go over to a buddy's house 131 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,055 and watch the ball drop. 132 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,849 Oh, right on. 133 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,976 - So, uh, what do you do for work? - I'm a writer. 134 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,978 - Okay, so lot of sittin'? - Yeah. 135 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,896 Hang on, I got to make a call. 136 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,191 Hey, Death? I got a guy here just about ready for you. 137 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,443 No, not really, I'm just trying to make a point. 138 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,779 All right, and that is it for today. 139 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,447 First sesh in the books. 140 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,867 Let's Ven' to the 'mo. 141 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:16,166 ? Mail time, mail time, mail time, mail time ? 142 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,711 ? Mail time. ? 143 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,462 The mail's here! 144 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,923 ? Here's the mail that never fails ? 145 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,134 ? It makes me want to wag my tail ? 146 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:29,680 ? When it comes I want to wail mail... ? 147 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,557 "To Meg Griffin." 148 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,268 It's from Brown! 149 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,480 I've been accepted! 150 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,149 Hey, that's great news. 151 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,318 Let's clap it up my high school girlfriend 152 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:45,280 and I still say I love you in e-mails. 153 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,533 I was hoping the good news and the clapping 154 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,368 would offset this secret. 155 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,538 But yay, Meg! 156 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,894 Wow, I remember when my parents clapped their hands 157 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,854 after moving something one time. 158 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,522 You never forget those moments. 159 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,192 Now remember, Meg, I want you to call us every week, 160 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,819 and then every few weeks, and then never. 161 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,279 I promise, Mom. 162 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,114 Got to admit, I'm kind of jealous you get to go 163 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,075 to college and live in such a cool dorm. 164 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,285 Look, they even have the pay phone Denise Huxtable 165 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,079 would call from on A Different World. 166 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,289 Hi, Dad. College is great. 167 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,375 I'm doing what I want to actresses 168 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,544 and will get support from my wife Camille. 169 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,255 That stuff was more out in the open than I remember. 170 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,259 Well, I guess that's it. 171 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,929 Our baby is all grown up and living at college. 172 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,472 I know! She's so lucky! 173 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,099 This place is awesome! 174 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,267 You think I'll go to college one day? 175 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,019 Oh... yeah. 176 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,354 Sky's the limit, champ. 177 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,855 Lois, I'll meet you down at the car. 178 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,440 I got to take a dump that will live on 179 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,860 in story and song. 180 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,779 No, I don't have a roommate. 181 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,739 I guess he, like, died or something. 182 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,866 So I've got a double all to myself. 183 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,827 A double? Hey, roomie. 184 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,912 Want to listen to The Doors for the next six months 185 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,789 and then never again for the rest of your life? 186 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,708 Wait, you're my roommate? 187 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,668 You're Ashok Chandrasekhar? 188 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,712 God bless you. 189 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,964 Classic Ashok. 190 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,469 Hey, why'd you tell me to meet you at Meg's room? 191 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,054 Well, now that Meg is in college, 192 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,181 I turned her room into a gym. 193 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,268 Oh, my God. 194 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,105 - How'd you do this? - Took a Limitless pill 195 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,315 and played "Old Town Road" on loop. 196 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,484 All right, why don't we start off with a plank? 197 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,737 One minute, and I'm gonna go call my girlfriend 198 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,114 and the forget about you. And... go. 199 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,408 Hey. 200 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,368 - I'm at the gym, why? - Stewie? 201 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,621 Babe, you know I can't deal with your sister. 202 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,373 Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl? 203 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,001 - Stewie! - Babe! Babe, I'm not... baby babe, 204 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,794 ba-babe, baby, baby, come on. 205 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,921 Babe, I'll call you back. 206 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,301 Okay, right on, so you remember I was telling you 207 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,511 about the magnesium supplement with the bone boost? 208 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,139 So this is why you want to try and take that. 209 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,974 - Right on? - No, not "right on"! 210 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,350 My arm feels like it's broken! 211 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,269 Oh, it's gonna need some P. T. 212 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,480 Let me give you the card of my physical therapist. 213 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,522 He's the best. 214 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,941 This is gonna be you in another shirt, isn't it? 215 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,027 Hey, what's the problemo? 216 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,653 Give me the rundown, go ahead. 217 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,201 H-Hey, Meg? 218 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,702 Hi, I'm Xander. 219 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,704 I'm-I'm in your bio class. I'm not a stalker. 220 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,498 Either way. 221 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,875 Listen, me and my roommates are having people over tonight, 222 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,211 and I was wondering if you'd want to come by. 223 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,755 - Yeah. I'd love to. - Awesome. 224 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,965 Keeney, 325. 225 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,342 Heads up! 226 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,513 Dad? What the hell are you doing? 227 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,306 I'm going to college now. 228 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,974 Wait, what? What about Mom? 229 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,893 Well, I had to have a tough conversation 230 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,853 with her by the lake. 231 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,737 I'm just not a fan of long-distance relationships. 232 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,405 Peter, I need to know if you're gonna 233 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,949 pick Stewie up from school. 234 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,408 I'll be home for Thanksgiving. 235 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,369 We'll see where we're at then. 236 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,290 Hi, I'm Serena. 237 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,792 This is Lily and Grace. 238 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,127 - Weet up. - Hyai. 239 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,587 Are you interested in pledging for Alpha Delta Pi? 240 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,382 Yeah! I hear you guys throw all the best parties. 241 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,093 Well, we've been waiting for you all summer, 242 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,138 and we're so glad you're finally here. 243 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,061 Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi... 244 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,479 Meg, you gotta get me out of here. 245 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,022 These people are out of their minds. 246 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:52,192 Do not go A D Pi, Meg. Do not join this thing. 247 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,528 They don't let us out of the pile. 248 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,281 They're so mean, Meg. They're so mean. 249 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,700 I wanna go A D Pi, don't you? 250 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,543 Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now, and I'm feeling the burn. 251 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,627 Bernie Sanders? 252 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,504 No, none of my hippie girlfriends shower, 253 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,922 and my crotch itches. 254 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,966 You know, despite what we're doing here, 255 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,801 - I'm still your daughter. - Right, right. 256 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,052 Hey, uh, would you sign this petition 257 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,846 to help save the spotted owl? 258 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,556 - Yeah, sure. - Awesome. 259 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,433 You're our 50th signature. 260 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,101 So what happens now? 261 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,603 Buck, wait! 262 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,438 Buck! 263 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,982 They got 50 signatures. 264 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,650 That's 50 all right. 265 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,987 Well, let's get back in the truck. 266 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,326 You don't have to be afraid anymore. 267 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,911 I'm still itchy. 268 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,580 Dad, I'm holding the ladder! 269 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,796 There he is, the big dog. You ready to sweat? 270 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,341 Today we got legs, and I'm gonna tell you everything 271 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,800 I've ever watched on Netflix. 272 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,428 Stewie, listen, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, 273 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,222 but I got a new trainer. 274 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,016 New trainer? Who? 275 00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,561 Doug? Ugh. 276 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,814 That's right, Stewie, it's an ugh-Doug moment. 277 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,233 No hard feelings. 278 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,443 I think Brian here just wants to rev up 279 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:18,737 - to a higher octane. - See you around, Stewie. 280 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,491 So it might take me a little longer to train you, Brian. 281 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,535 You're going to have to unlearn everything Stewie taught you. 282 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,704 Fortunately, that was almost nothing. 283 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,792 Oh, man. 284 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,297 Heads up. 285 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:41,051 Ow! Dad, what the hell? 286 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,386 Did you join a frat? 287 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,429 I tried to, but I got the letters mixed up 288 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,932 and joined a fart. 289 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:54,064 Hey, everyone, I'm in college, but here's a test for you. 290 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,149 We just gave you the easiest joke setup 291 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,695 in Family Guy history: Peter joins a fart house. 292 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,656 Is the correct punchline A? 293 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:04,701 B? 294 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,288 Or C? 295 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,253 Good luck to you. And now back to our story. 296 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,173 Hey, ladies, toga farty tonight at I Delta PU. 297 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,134 - Tell your friends. - Ew, no. 298 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,011 Heh, they all say that. 299 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,221 - Hey, what are you reading? - Boning up for an exam. 300 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,016 I boned up yesterday when I walked into the girls' shower. 301 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,518 Dad, please! 302 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,645 Sorry, Meg, I've been smoking doobies all morning. 303 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,689 Talk about higher education. 304 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,609 That's it. I can't take this anymore. 305 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,320 Dad, get out of here. 306 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,363 What? This is what college is. 307 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,866 How do you know? You're not even a student here. 308 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,492 You're a total fraud. 309 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,078 Me? You wouldn't even be here if your mother and I didn't 310 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,539 - pay someone to get you in. - What?! 311 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,750 Yeah, your whole application was fake. 312 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,335 Meg, is this true? 313 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,546 What? No, of course not, Dean Nearby. 314 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:03,216 Well, if it is, you're going to be suspended. 315 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,676 Oh, no. 316 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,219 Well, that weekend on the Cape 317 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,556 with Principal Shepherd was a waste. 318 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,311 I know I said I wouldn't get clingy, 319 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:17,148 but when can I see you again? 320 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,571 I can't believe they suspended Meg. 321 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,241 Suspended Meg? Peter, you and I could be going to jail. 322 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,619 I can't go to jail. Me and my fart brothers 323 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,829 are supposed to streak the quad later. 324 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,834 Now stop that. You're not in whatever you think college is anymore. 325 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,753 I can't believe you two did this to me. 326 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,421 Maybe if you believed in me, 327 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,173 none of this would have happened. 328 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,634 Meg, honey, nobody wanted you out of this house 329 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:46,676 more than we did. 330 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,220 You know, maybe there's a way 331 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,429 none of you gets in trouble. 332 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,847 What are you talking about? 333 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,349 Well, you said you can do 334 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,683 all those things on your application. 335 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,311 If you show you actually can do those things, 336 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,646 you're all in the clear. 337 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,772 And then I can get back to 338 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,232 hustling drunk women upstairs 339 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,525 with Tobin and Squee. 340 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,360 Well, I better get to work, then. 341 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,321 But I seriously doubt that I'll be able to pull this off. 342 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,407 Hey, come on. Anything's possible. 343 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,410 Like when that Starbucks cup made it onto Game of Thrones. 344 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,495 This is it. Here it comes, here it comes. 345 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,248 - Hey! - Oh, my gosh. - That's so cool. 346 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,167 I can't believe this. What's the Internet saying? 347 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,338 They-they thought you were great. 348 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,717 Okay, Brian, this many. 349 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,512 This many. 350 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,597 Come on, Brian, you can do it. 351 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:38,645 And that's as many as I know. Good job, Brian. 352 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,231 Hey, Stewie, congratulate your friend. 353 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,483 He just did this many sit-ups. 354 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,485 What? There's nothing after that. 355 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,238 - That's as high as it goes. - Yep. 356 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,449 Are you crazy, pushing him that hard? 357 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,159 You're playing a dangerous game. 358 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,202 Yeah, it's dangerous. 359 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,289 And that's the way I like it. 360 00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,173 Listen, Doug, I've been meaning to talk to you. 361 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,801 I just got this new job, and the commute is... ugh. 362 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,386 I can work around your schedule. 363 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,513 Well, that's the thing. I don't have one. 364 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,183 That's the way the suits figured it anyway. 365 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,351 What exactly is this job? 366 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,228 I know, right? Anyway, you've been terrific, 367 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,480 and I'm gonna keep at this. 368 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,398 But I'm afraid this is goodbye. 369 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,233 What if I went down to $300 a week? 370 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,612 - You're paying him?! - I'm sorry. 371 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no need for that. 372 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,830 - Thank you for that, Brian. - You're welcome, Stewie. 373 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,917 You know, this whole thing has taught me an important lesson. 374 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,835 I hate exercise. 375 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,295 Gay-men. 376 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,215 Somebody has to help me walk down the stairs. 377 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,432 Everyone, if I could have your attention. 378 00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,685 I'm Dean Distant Faraway, and we're here today 379 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,980 to determine whether or not Meg Griffin can justify 380 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,691 her admission to our university. 381 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,777 - And we're Mom and Dad. Hi. - Go blue. 382 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:12,030 What did they say? I-I'm very far away. 383 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,954 Strike. 384 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,806 Ah... Dr. Nassar? 385 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,519 Oh, my stars. 386 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:47,691 Okay, I'm gonna try to kill two birds with one stone here. 387 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,568 I'll be singing "Love is a Battlefield" 388 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,320 by Pat Benatar. 389 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,989 In Russian. 390 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,952 Hit it. 391 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:02,914 ? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ? 392 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,209 ? My sil'nyy ? 393 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,045 ? Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ? 394 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:12,048 ? My ne pravy ? 395 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,883 ? Dolgo ishchen vy ? 396 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,095 ? Nashix serdtsa ? 397 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,516 ? My oba znaem chto ? 398 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:26,479 ? Lyubov eto battlefield. ? 399 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,319 Well, it appears you can do pretty much everything 400 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,404 you claimed on your application. 401 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,948 So that's it? I'm back in school? 402 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,575 I think all you have to do now 403 00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:41,662 is prove you can windsurf over Providence Falls. 404 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,957 Oh, right. 405 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,168 You prove that, you're back. 406 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,962 Wait, did we check that she can get dunked on by her dad? 407 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,005 Dunked on by my d...? 408 00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,050 Oh! 409 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,219 You gotta get big, Meg. 410 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,687 Guys, no matter what happens, I just want you to know 411 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,065 that I forgive you for what you did. 412 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,567 I know deep down you were just looking out for me. 413 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,694 Whatever you think the lesson is here 414 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:15,862 is fine by us. 415 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,867 Good luck, Meg. We love you. 416 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,512 Aah... 417 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,931 Aw, so close. 418 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,977 Peter, call an ambulance. 419 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:51,023 Can you do it? My number's blocked by 911. 420 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,345 Come on, you can do this. Stewie does it every day. 421 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,763 - He does? - Yep. 422 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,266 Just put one hand on the rail. 423 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,146 Damn it, I can't. 424 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,982 Uppies. 425 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,485 Adios, Doug. 426 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,489 From hell's heart I stab at thee. 427 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:46,786 With my last breath, I spit upon... 428 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,501 Ha! What a baby.